We all have expectations of ourselves, our lives, or others. However, we frequently put ourselves in situations of disappointment, leading to the conclusion, "Never anticipate anything.”
Expectations are a contentious topic. The question among non-experts is whether we should have expectations or not. The reason for this is that our predictions may turn out to be incorrect, leaving some of us unhappy and irritated, even resenting others who did not meet our expectations.
Some therapists believe that the possibility of wrath and resentment is sufficient to eliminate expectations.
Expecting and Accepting are two sides of the same coin in life, with Expecting resulting in weeping. Accepting something makes you happy.
What are the expectations and Resentments?
The American Psychology Association dictionary defines expectations as “a condition of tense, emotional anticipation.” Prediction, presumption, and premeditation are all synonyms for expectation.
Resentment is made up of three basic emotions: (2) disgust, (4) sadness, and (1) surprise, which, when combined, form a soup known as “the feeling of unfairness.”
Here’s what resentment, in my opinion, actually means: it’s a sign that we’re making ourselves victims.
Resentment is a sign that we haven’t met our needs or expectations. The difficulty with blaming others for an unmet need is that, most of the time, our expectations were never explicitly stated or agreed upon in the first place.
Furthermore, since resentment appears, we don’t always recognize where that line is.
Coping tactics for dealing with resentment of any kind
Resentment binds you to the past, making it impossible for you to enjoy your life. It’s a constant ache and rage that you experience because you believe someone has wronged you.
“Those of us who are devoid of resentful thoughts will, without a doubt, find peace.”The Buddha
Here are three strategies for overcoming resentment:
1. Be grateful
When you concentrate on the negative, resentment grows. Fortunately, it’s a bad habit that you can break! As a result, focusing on solutions rather than issues.
You educate your brain to focus on the positive when you make it a habit to think about what you’re grateful for. Consider all of the people and things you’re thankful for every day.
2. Think of the culprit in a friendly, caring way.
Consider the excellent qualities of the individual who has harmed you. Consider why people behave the way they do.
Have they experienced any problematic situations in their lives? What was it like growing up for them? They could have gone through some horrific things that you aren’t aware of!
Although this does not give them the right to hurt others, they were most likely unaware of the consequences.
So, if you happen to see them, be kind to them and see what transpires.
3. Find a creative way to let go of your resentment.
It would be best if you let go of your toxic anger, but not by ranting at your family or random people in traffic.
Instead, find a fun and innovative way to relieve your stress. You could paint, play an instrument, keep a journal, or do anything else you choose! Being creative is a fantastic way to let go of unpleasant feelings.
In conclusion, concealing expectations beneath a veneer of selflessness isn't advisable. Ultimately, your innate desire to be acknowledged, understood, and cared for will eventually surface. Practicing kindness, honesty, and self-care is paramount.
For more information, contact Chris at 408-915-1321 or email apathtorecovery.cp@gmail.com
Chris Packham, LAADC, M-RAS, MSW, CCDS, CADTP IV
