When we're not ready to face our anxieties or let go of a relationship that we've been clinging to at the expense of ourselves, we frequently hide the most crucial realities from ourselves. When you delay facing these crucial truths because you want a relationship to succeed so badly, they don't go away. When they initially appear, they are barely audible, but as time goes on, they become louder until they are difficult to ignore. Being in a relationship should not be a chore or cause chaos; it should be given and taken because we gain more by giving and are better together.
Even as it grows louder, you could ignore this whisper since unhealthful relationships can make you doubt your own judgment and your ability to make healthy decisions when it comes to your relationship. It could be even harder to identify when a relationship isn't fulfilling you due to this distance from oneself. Here are ten indicators that your relationship may be unhealthy:
1. Since you're afraid your spouse will leave, think you're demanding or needy, or "blow up" at you, you're keeping your limits, demands, or feelings to yourself.
2. Your relationship and its effects on you have drawn the genuine concern of numerous friends or family members.
3. You sense rising unease in the relationship but choose to dismiss it or explain it away by telling yourself that all relationships are challenging and demanding or that you are aware that the other person is capable of changing.
4. You may even feel the urge to remove yourself from loved ones as a result of feeling the need to conceal or embellish some aspects of your relationship while discussing it with others out of fear of criticism.
5. You frequently experience worry or tension regarding your relationship.
6. To keep the relationship going, you are over-functioning (trying to save your partner, maintain the relationship, or overcompensate for the lack of effort they are making).
7. You never know when you'll feel up or down in the relationship, which frequently has the sense of an emotional rollercoaster. You become drained and experience cognitive overload.
8. You keep hoping that your partner will finally undergo a shift so that you two can be content and be more honest.
9. With your lover, you don't feel emotionally secure or protected due to his or her consuming alcohol on a daily basis.
10. For the connection, you are letting go of aspects of yourself while surrendering your identity.
If you want to know for sure whether your relationship is unhealthy, think about how you would answer the following questions: Take an honest look from a different advantage point.
- Would you be happy for your friend to be dating this person, or would you be worried about them?
- What kind of self-image do you have in this relationship?
- In a year, if everything stayed the same, would you be satisfied or unhappy?
- Have you had similar feelings with other partners if you have self-doubt and fear about the relationship? If so, do your current relationship and those in
the past share any characteristics? - What are the reasons you are choosing to remain in this relationship?
Disclaimer: This blog is solely intended for informational reasons. It is to help you consider whether you are in an unhealthy relationship. You can seek a mental health professional or another qualified counselor provider with questions regarding your condition, addiction issues, or abuse of alcohol or other drugs, along with your well-being.
Chris Packham, LAADC, M-RAS, CCDS, CS
