They may wonder if they deserve better, if they're being too demanding, or if they simply don't feel good when spending time with a particular person.
It's important to know that if you find yourself in a similar situation, you are not alone. It's common for individuals to reassess their friendships, and it's normal to spend time with people even when our instincts tell us not to. Friendships may also drift away and then return as our life circumstances change.
If you feel that a friendship is negatively impacting your mental health, here are three ways to evaluate the situation:
How do they react when you share exciting news with them?
The way close friends respond to your good news can reveal a lot about their ability to maintain healthy relationships. Some friends may be genuinely happy for you, while others may react with envy or negativity. Friends who consistently react negatively or show little excitement when you share your happy news may not be good for your psychological well-being.
It's important to have friends who support and uplift you rather than bring you down. Surrounding yourself with positive people who celebrate your successes and offer a shoulder to lean on during tough times is crucial for personal growth and happiness. A good friend should be there to share in your joy and help you navigate life's challenges.
Do they ask about you, or are they absorbed in themselves only?
Healthy relationships require a give-and-take dynamic. A friend who only talks about themselves and never asks about you can be draining and may lead to feelings of neglect. On the other hand, friends who show a genuine interest in your life and ask about you regularly are invaluable. This type of two-way communication is key to building trust and mutual respect in a friendship.
A good friend will always try to understand your perspective and be there to listen to your concerns. One-sided friendships can leave you feeling unheard and undervalued.
Do you feel like your most authentic self is around them?
It's crucial to surround yourself with people who accept and support you for who you are. If you feel like you have to hide or change aspects of yourself to fit in with a certain friend, it might be time to reassess that friendship.
Petra Kipfelsberger, the lead author of a recent study on authenticity, urges us to be more authentic by reducing self-alienation, increasing authentic living, and rejecting external influences. Friends who support you on your authenticity journey are worth their weight in gold, while friends who don't may be worth your time and energy.
- Reducing self-alienation, i.e., rejecting the subjective experience of "being out of touch with oneself" or "not knowing oneself."
- Increasing authentic living, i.e., behaving in ways that are true to one’s core self in most situations.
- Rejecting external influences, i.e., not being driven by the friend just confirms others’ expectations and instead follows one’s own values and beliefs.
In conclusion, all of our relationships in life have value, and it's not necessary to burn bridges or cut people off for trivial reasons. However, staying aware of which friends are truly supporting your mental health goals is a smart way to prioritize your time and relationships. As a substance abuse counselor, I encourage my clients to surround themselves with positive and authentic individuals who uplift and support them on their journey toward well-being.
Chris Packham, LAADC, M-RAS, CCDS, CS
