When codependency is present, it prevents us from having healthy, balanced relationships in which the needs of both parties are acknowledged and satisfied.
You'll feel frustrated, worn out, and unfulfilled in a codependent relationship. Additionally, it strengthens the notion that you are flawed or unworthy. Hence, it's critical to realize whether you're in a codependent relationship if you wish to overcome codependency.
Relationships with your parents, kids, spouse, friends, and even coworkers can all suffer from codependency. But what really qualifies a union as codependent?
Some of the telltale indications of a codependent relationship include the following:
1. You try to solve or save the other person from their difficulties because you are too concerned with what they are doing, thinking, and feeling. You are concerned that something negative will occur if you do not take care of them.
2. Your relationship is always one-sided; one partner puts in a lot of effort and takes responsibility, while the other is free to act carelessly or escape the repercussions of their decisions. You might support and justify the other person's terrible decisions.
3. You give up something of yourself to satisfy the other person. Your time, money, energy, values, objectives, and relationships can all fall under this category. Making the other person happy, taking care of them, and letting them do what they want to do are central to your existence.
4. You "walk on eggshells" around the other person out of fear of upsetting or enraging them with something you say or do. As a result, you are not permitted to voice your thoughts or sentiments or make requests. And in order to avoid conflict, you could agree to do things that go against your principles or objectives or that you don't want to do.
5. You put on a martyr's act, taking care of everyone and everything, but you're angry that no one appears to care or to be willing to help.
6. Your need to repair or save people becomes controlling. You make an effort to control the other person's conduct by criticizing, issuing orders, nagging, or offering unwelcome counsel.
7. You stay in the relationship despite the other person hurting you frequently (physically, emotionally, financially, etc.).
8. You neglect your own needs more often than those of others. Also, you feel guilty or selfish when you take care of yourself by resting, engaging in a hobby, or practicing self-care.
This list gives you an idea of what a codependent relationship looks and feels like, even though there is no concrete test or checklist for codependency. The most crucial thing to understand if you identify any or all of these codependency warning signals is that you can begin to modify them.
Dynamics of codependent relationships evolving
Codependency manifests in relationships, but its roots are in your self-perception. Changing codependent relationship patterns begins with changing how you think, feel, and treat yourself since you are the only one you can change, not others.
Enhance your sense of worth. One of the main elements of codependency is low self-worth. Codependents frequently believe that there is something wrong with them, which leads them to constantly seek approval, fear rejection, and take action to demonstrate their value. This positions us as caregivers; as such, we must be required and serve a purpose. We typically do this, though, at our own expense.
We can start thinking about our own needs instead of only what others require. We can be compassionate with ourselves and acknowledge and validate our own emotions. These things are difficult to do, but we may take modest, deliberate steps in the right direction, like being kind to ourselves or setting boundaries.
Learn more about yourself. Codependents frequently lose touch with themselves since we are so focused on pleasing others and taking care of them. Due to the long period of suppression, you might no longer be aware of your feelings or thoughts. Instead, you might not be pursuing your objectives or pastimes because you give them up in favor of focusing your time and efforts on what interests’ others.
Just a little bit, let go. The key to codependency rehabilitation is the idea of separating. You create some emotional or physical distance between yourself and others when you disconnect. It does not imply breaking off ties with people or abandoning them. It's also neither unkind nor selfless. When you are detached, you cease worrying about what other people are doing or not doing, their issues, their emotions, and so on. You are given the freedom to be who you are and to look after yourself.
Get emotional assistance. Partnerships may be challenging, particularly when things aren't going well. Having emotional support can improve motivation and accountability while lowering the emotions of isolation and shame. A therapist can be a helpful confidant and can also assist you in understanding and improving yourself and give you the necessary coping skills to help you grow through it not just go through it.
Chris Packham, LAADC, M-RAS, CCDS, CS
